Confirmed Expectations.

The hallway seemed more crowded than usual this Friday morning. Having fled the house after a blustery run-through with the Mom, Tommy was content to simply finish the overdrawn week of school at Whelton Academy. As if on cue, his friends waited eagerly in front of his locker to hear the news about his "conversation" with God. Discrediting stares searched him up and down as he approached them.

"So are you a saint now?," sarcastically grinning from ear to ear as Jackson Yearing pierced the anticipation. "Yeah," chimed another, "we heard you are actually serious about turning your life around and thinking about getting more involved at Big Sky." Tommy went to Big Sky Christian Church like the rest of his friends, just passing through with no real intentions of pursuing God. It was the only place to meet on Sunday mornings to catch-up with the events of the week and how to plan for the next thrill for the coming weekend. The youth pastor barely took notice of this little crew because like so many of their congregation, they had become masters of keeping up pretenses. So they managed to stay out of harms way for three years until now, until Tommy had to go and ruin it for them. This imposition seemed nearly tragic.

"I don't know what is going to happen," Tommy defended, "all I know is that I believe God spoke to me a few weeks ago in our locker room and I believe helping Sean at Big Sky would be a good first step in seeing if my calling is for real." Releasing his fear and deciding to hear God in that unforgettable moment, Tommy sensed God was calling him to something unique, something different that would set him apart forever from his past.

"Well, whatever you thought you heard, I just hope you don't start bringing your convictions on us when we decide to hang at our spot," Jackson solemnly replied. Tommy could begin to feel the rift building between him and his friends, wishing just one of them would understand. As he closed his locker, preparing to slide into homeroom, he felt the presence of someone standing behind him. Although most of his friends moved on to class, Tyler stayed behind, seeking to give Tommy room to elaborate on his experience. This was all Tommy could ask for being that his situation at home was falling apart and his friends were beginning to be testy with his new direction.

No Welcome Homecoming.

The battle of fighting for faith is never-ending. Of course, now that Tommy has come to terms with his current situation, he is beginning to feel the full weight of responsibly pulling away from the life he used to live. And just as he thought, his parents are completely at a loss as to what to believe about him and his friends are really not taking him seriously. With motivation fading fast, Tommy can't understand why God would move so deeply in his life if he will not clearly reveal the next step for his immediate future.

"Are you satisfied?" Snickering out of the corner of her mouth, Meredith, Tommy's mother, seems bent on destroying any trace of confidence he may have in seeking God for strength. Meredith is absolutely opposed to submitting to any authority for protection or security, especially any God for help in time of need. No, she is self-sufficient, not requiring any assistance from people or some spiritual reality, or so she thought. But for the time being, she can't believe her son could be so naive as to actually think that some God could provide hope for him.

"Somehow yes, but I'm terrified and hesitant to take action in doing what I know must be done." Having thought through the process of either hoping his friends would see and believe his true change of heart or breaking ties with them completely, has crippled his progression toward walking by faith. "I don't understand." "Why do you seem so offended and defensive of accepting what I have told you about God?" Totally searching for some kind of connection with his mother, Tommy is desperate to show her he's not losing his mind. "Because God or anything that pertains to spiritual matters is completely irrational," Meredith quipped. Hurt by the obvious wall he senses between himself and his own mother, Tommy decides to give it a rest and finish what appears to be a very soggy bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But she won't let it go.

"You're a fool." Harshly undermining everything Tommy explained to her the day he sought to rid himself from this life, Meredith stands firm in her quest to bury his best intentions of coming to know God in a personal way. Feeling pushed to the edge of a heated argument, he simply moves out from the kitchen, grabs his belongings, and slips away to school, quietly harboring all the tension his mother has poured into his soul.

Locker Room Renewal

Tommy never thought much of himself. He spent most of his days living under a canopy of self-doubt. Fueled by the cutting words of who he thought was his friends, he decided it was time to leave. As he sat there in the abandoned locker room with the rope in his lap, he began to feel the welling of tears deep within his soul, rushing to meet his eyes. But he fought them back. He tried to replay all that he believed would happen after he was gone. He wanted to believe that this was the only way he could get revenge on all those who ever made him feel as if he were nothing. Yet the more he put his trust in suicide, the more he desired to live. He wasn't ready and the sudden realization of being gone forever made him rethink what he was about to do.

As he sat there alone surrounded by the cold concrete walls of the locker room, he decided he needed help. He knew he couldn't talk to his parents about this just yet and he knew his friends wouldn't take him seriously; No, he needed someone else to talk to and for the first time in his life, God became more real to him than he had ever imagined.